I am taking a break right now from taking down the Christmas decorations. I had made good progress on getting them all up early last week, and then the storm hit on Thursday, knocking out our power (until lastnight) and knocking out my Christmas spirit. In all seriousness, it is totally gone. I can’t even tell you how sad I am about that right now….

My children live all up and down the I-5 corridor ~ Dan’s in Medford, Steve’s in Eugene, the little girls are here with me (ok, so we’re off the 5 a bit…) and Noelle is in Seattle. Last weekend was “our” weekend to do Christmas ~ the big kids were coming here to celebrate Nattie’s 10th birthday (which is this Thursday) and attend Naomi’s Christmas dance recital on Sunday afternoon. The plan was, as it has been in the previous years that I have lived here, to decorate the tree on Saturday, hang out and do fun birthday and Christmas things, and just enjoy the 36 hour period that we were all going to be in the same place this Christmas. Then the storm hit on Thursday night and everything changed.

I warn you right now that this post is going to sound incredibly whiny, so I will put these disclaimers right up front: I am thankful for every blessing in my life. I know the true meaning of Christmas. I am so sad about the climbers on Mt Hood and realize that nothing I am feeling comes anywhere close to what their families are feeling. And I realize that in the great scheme of things, none of what I am feeling is a big deal. As my mom says, “If it don’t affect eternity, who cares?” That said ~ the storm took away my Christmas I am simply heartbroken over it.

It was 38 degrees in my house this weekend. There was no tree to decorate. There was no water, no light, no Christmas cheer anywhere. We all stayed at a motel in Sandy and went in different directions all weekend long except for Saturday night’s b-day party and Sunday’s recital. My husband noted on Saturday night that he has not seen me that happy in a long, long time. What can I say - all is well with my world when all my kids are in front of my face. I can’t even explain how much I was looking forward to celebrating Christmas and birthday and family with them this past weekend. And, just like that, it was gone.

Oh, we exchanged some gifts in the auditorium of Sam Barlow High School after Naomi’s recital, and as great as that was, it wasn’t what any of us had in mind. And ever since we said our goodbyes at the school, I cannot shake this feeling of utter sadness that my Christmas is over - and it never even happened.

I embarrassed at how spoiled this all sounds. I am embarrassed at my lack of patience about five days with no power, water, or heat. I got to stay in a warm motel - I should be thankful for that (and I am I think)! When, or better yet, why did I become this person that can’t handle a little inconvenience? For some reason, I can’t get past it right now.

I walked into my home today, after basically being gone for five days, and the half-decorated mantle, the decoration boxes everywhere, the sheer emptiness of everything just took me out. I began to cry and decided right then that Christmas had to come down - I had to buck up and move on, otherwise it was going to be a long, long few days (and it has already been a long, long few days thank you very much!). My little girls are leaving on Friday to share the holiday with their dad and his family in the Bay area. I told them I’d buy a little tree and decorate it and put it on the dining room table for their presents to be under when they get home and they got really excited about that - they asked for a Charlie Brown tree! And that made me smile - they don’t care that I am taking down the decorations. They just gave me a hug and told me they were sorry I was sad. I told them I’d be fine and that on the 26th, we’d have a great little celebration here together.

I’ve never experienced this feeling before - I am the Christmas fanatic. I love the sights, the sounds, the smells, the colors, the decorations, the shopping ~~ and on and on and on. I love all those things that aren’t “really” Christmas, but yet somehow they are for me. They are all ways to celebrate and share the birth of Jesus with the people I adore and I look forward to them all year long.

Tonight, I am wondering what God is trying to tell me this year. Rest assured, I’m listening for (and to) God - I’m just crying while I do it.