Questions about love

by Catherine 17 January 2008 149 views Comments

Should love make us feel good? Should it make us feel happy and important?

What did Jesus really mean by the parable of the good samaritan? Are we really supposed to stick our neck out for strangers? Is it reasonable to dump difficult relationships, jobs, churches?

What is the difference between forgiveness and trust?

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Rick Dancer said:

Should love make us feel good? You would think so. I may have answered this question differently, prior to my dad dying. There’s plenty of love there but it doesn’t feel good.

I think feeling is only part of love. I know plenty of couples who split up because they don’t “Feel” love anymore. Or because their love doesn’t “Feel” good.

No, I don’t think love is supposed to always feel good. We can’t base Love on a feeling. Love is also a commitment. It’s something you choose to do, even when it doesn’t feel good.

I’ll hold off on the other questions. My brain is about to collapse.

# 17 January 2008 at 6:55 pm

barbara said:

Love isn’t something you just feel. It is something you do. Love doesn’t always feel good - sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes its just plain hard. But you do it because its right - because it just “is”. You love someone / some thing / some place / some cause / so you continue to love, when it feels good and when it aches. That is important, so, yes, in a way, love should make you feel important. But that’s not why we love. That’s not why Jesus told us to stick out our neck for those that society says we shouldn’t fraternize with. It isn’t about importance or being happy. The Samaritan stopped to help because it was the right thing to do - because he knew how to love.
Happiness is circumstantial. Joy is abiding, no matter what our lot. Love brings joy. Good feelings bring happiness. I believe it is possible to have joy, even when the road is long and hard.

Is it reasonable to “dump” people / places / things when the road is difficult? Depending upon the difficulty,, I would say it is reasonable to move on. “Dump” is a bit harsh. But, sure, sometimes God calls us to move on. And it is possible to move on in love. But not when that is the easy way out. Moving on brings pain, deep pain. Sometimes that is how you know not to move on, but often times that is how you now it is.

Forgiveness and trust? I think maybe those are apples and oranges. I can forgive a lot, but sometimes trust is irreparably (sp??) damaged. And that has nothing to do with forgiveness. It just is.

I feel like I am rambling….

# 17 January 2008 at 8:45 pm

barbara said:

so, I am not wearing my glasses. I believe that this: Sometimes that is how you know not to move on, but often times that is how you now it is…..

Should really say this: Sometimes that is how you know not to move on, but often times that is how you know it is.

Sorry!!

# 17 January 2008 at 8:47 pm

Rick Dancer said:

Yes, we are to help strangers. But we need to make sure it’s God telling us to help them and not out of our own unhealed issues.
Let me explain.
I think we all get sucked into helping people we are not really supposed to help. I’m one of the worst offenders. I’m learning, slowly, to ask God if this is a person I am to help.
We all have things we are called to do and if we start trying to do it all we get burned out and we may also get in the way. What if you are supposed to care for so and so and I jump in when I’m not supposed to? I’m then getting in the way of what God has called you to do.
I will always error on the side of overdoing it. I’d rather do that than not help.
But I think we do need to be real careful that when we reach out there’s not a hand there to bite us back.
It always goes back to “What does God want”?

I’ll get back to your other questions.
Do you always have to write such tough questions? And what about one at time? Do you need all the answers right now?
(smile) Love yah Josh.

# 18 January 2008 at 6:34 am

Sue said:

I’m kind of in the same place of figuring out the balance between love and burnout. I think God has revealed what the balance is for me but my flesh gets in the way and “burnout” can set in. I sincerely want to help ALL “at the time” were discussing a need, but quite often when my oppertunity to love rolls around…I don’t feel to loving b/c my time is already spent.

I think the Lord has revealed to me that obedience is what he wants from my love and if his answer is “yes, help this person”, well there is almost always some kind of burden on my heart that the Lord has placed there. My problem is I offer to help in a situation where there is no burden. Perhaps the Lord is saying through his absence of burden, “No, don’t help, I have another plan for them that is better.” (”Sue, please don’t get in the way.”)

When the help you’ve given, just a listening ear, money or moving…whatever it may be, I feel love when I look back and know the burden was there and I somehow helped to lift it a little bit.

# 18 January 2008 at 7:43 am

Jason Carr said:

I know this is kind of cliche’ but I think it’s true: Love is a decision.

That was the headline for a series of relationship seminars family counselor Gary Smalley used to put on. Basically, he said love is not always an emotion, or a feeling - it’s a decision and a commitment you make and stick with.

According to a Rabbi I know: The Hebrew word for truth is emet, which means: stability, strength of character, justice, and integrity. These are all human traits that require action on our part. So truth isn’t just believing in something, it’s also how you act and treat others.

He also went on to say…

As human beings we have limited understanding. The problem comes when we assume otherwise. The word for truth does not mean knowledge, understanding, or wisdom. It speaks of continual covenant-relationship with the Almighty, partnering with Him, and wrestling the very nature of truth into our character. As always, our first and best example is Yeshua. He said, “I am the way and the truth (emet) and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6). His personal example of how to live is the ultimate expression of truth.

# 18 January 2008 at 1:32 pm

Jason Carr said:

While I know this post was mainly about love and the difference between forgivness and trust, I think it helps us to see the entire picture. Truth should be our moto, and finding it - in every situation - means wrestling with GOd.

For me, I think anytime and in any situation, if we allow our emotions and our feelings to control us, we are often blinded from emulating the Christ-like qualities that are in us. But acting out in truth (emet) to solve a problem, deal with a relationship, etc., requires a wrestling match with God sometimes. (I’m just glad God doesn’t take a pin-you-down approach; rather, he coaches and teaches while we’re on the mat!)

# 18 January 2008 at 1:37 pm

John Koskela said:

Receiving love should enable us to feel better. Giving love may or may not enable us to feel better. In the long run when enough love is given by enough people to each other, we should feel pretty good, be fairly healthy, and well adjusted.

Sure we need to have a willing heart when circumstances arise, then stick our necks out helping others. It’s as needful a thing to do as drinking water. Would you stand there and watch someone drown 10 feet from you? Would you give a panhandler a little money to be used as the panhandler chooses? Would you help folks when they ask for directions? Do we want to live in a culture where kind things are seldom offered? Not me.

Dumping! I rather like to put dumping as an act taken that is the logical consequence of another’s behavior. I don’t believe God intends anyone to be a doormat for another person. Dumping, there are degrees of dumping. What’s that saying, something like 9 degrees of separation? Dumping is not a black and white action.

Barbara said it well. For me, I can forgive a lot, but that does not equal I can trust a lot, and I am not required to trust, just forgive and move on.

# 18 January 2008 at 7:39 pm

Catherine Amber (author) said:

John, I have no idea who you are. But I love the thoughts you shared and how you expressed them. Yum.
A minor change I would do to your last sentence: I am invited to trust God. I am not required to trust any particular person. I am invited to learn to forgive and move on.

Welcome to the Epinoia parte’.

# 18 January 2008 at 9:38 pm

Barbara Galbraith said:

John, meet the gang! John is a friend of mine. His wife is a colleague. Josh knows them too. I think maybe he found us through my recent “baptists and blogs” blog….

Welcome, John.

# 19 January 2008 at 8:16 pm

John Koskela said:

Thank you for the welcome. Don W put me onto this site, and I posted some comments. Today, I worked, and struggled all morning to set up a Blog site at Blogspot.com. Blogspot doesn’t work very well (images do not load like normal sites), so I went to Faces.com and set up my own Blog site there in less than 10 minutes.

Facebook.com is another great web site for establishing blogs.

I finally realized that this site must be a blog site, because one can only reply, never initiate.

I participate in two other discussion forums that are not church based. There you can initiate discussions, and reply to them. 1. http://le-chat-house.info/BBS/index.php?sid=46e81bb150bc7100b407c5fc29bc1d98, look for Tyee there. If you visit, and if you look at the members list, “NEVER” click on any of the member associated web sites because the site le chat house is constantly attacked by spam bots, and they are locked out, but they show up on the member list until the administrator deletes them. Registration at that site takes time, and it is a very safe place.

2nd discussion forum that I like, http://www.cybersoapbox.com/SMF/index.php Look for Deschutes. I post there a few times every 6 weeks or so.

# 19 January 2008 at 10:32 pm

Rick Dancer said:

John welcome. We’re an odd little bunch….so you’ve been warned. Well, some are odder than others. But you already know those two personally. (smile)

Josh, I don’t understand the questions “What’s the difference between forgiveness and trust?

I need to forgive people…and that’s a process. I don’t have to forget what they did, often times, to me that’s stupid. And you can do one without the other.
If some guy cheats on his wife, she may be able to forgive him, but she will not forget what he is capable of doing….Trust…she may never fully be able to trust him again. Trust is something you can’t buy and sell. And once you trade it off, it’s really tough to get it back. So, I don’t think forgiveness and trust go hand in hand.
Without forgiveness you’ll never regain trust. But just because you do one, doesn’t mean the other will naturally follow.

# 20 January 2008 at 7:47 am

Rick Dancer said:

Anthony,

Thanks….I don’t know what I’d do without you.

# 20 January 2008 at 7:48 am

Catherine Amber (author) said:

Welcome to the fun, John!
Rick, it was me (Cat) who posted the questions. Part of the impetus for the way I phrased it is because of a book I read 4 years ago called “When forgiveness doesn’t make sense”. A quote: ‘we are not saved by our repentance but by God’s grace.’ It paints a picture for me of a father always ready to receive His children because of His strength. So which comes first forgiveness or trust? I think in my relationship with God, trust comes first. I can trust Him because He has already provided forgiveness. But human relationships are more capricious. I think while I am called to always forgive (as best I am able), I am not called to offer trust. I think this is part of the picture that comes about in the later part of the shack. The invitation is to trust God more fully and as a result of that shift, we are able to more freely offer forgiveness.

# 20 January 2008 at 10:21 am

Catherine Amber (author) said:

Amend the thrid to last sentence to read “I am not valled to offer trust in every circumstance and relationship.”

# 20 January 2008 at 10:22 am

Catherine Amber (author) said:

Josh, how do you go back and edit a comment? Obviously, I meant ‘third’ and ‘calling’. Having a dyslexic morning.

# 20 January 2008 at 10:26 am

barbara said:

Wanna borrow my glasses, Cat?

# 21 January 2008 at 12:34 am

Anthony Doheny said:

Cat, there should be an “edit” link at the bottom of your comment. Just click & make the necessary changes.

# 22 January 2008 at 6:54 pm

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“Epinoia” means to be among those who think, imagine, envision or formulate an idea. It’s a thought by way of design. We are here to share thought, to wonder, imagine and express ourselves through writing. We all know what café is. However, because this site is founded in the great northwest one of the cultural happenings is stopping by the café for something to satisfy the caffeine addiction, to just meet with friends to enjoy the company and share our thoughts and visions or to just check in with one another. No need for the caffeine. That’s just a byproduct. A lot happens at the café. Lives are changed by the experiences there; it’s a safe place to share what’s on your mind. Thanks for stopping by. We hope you’ll pull up a chair, grab your drink of choice and speak your mind. Epinoia Café is the official Eugene, Oregon cohort for Emergent Village.

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