I too love exchanging ideas, and so does the friend who had critiqued me. But this isn't about her. (I am working thru my feelings about this whole mess, as it seems to be a repeat issue in my life - my getting too eager to know people and to be known, to share ideas, to explore the many fascinations and complexities of life with others. I am an A personality with OCD, you can imagine how this might get under some people's skin.)

I would absolutely love to get together some time! In the meantime there is always Tokbox, although between family and ministry it may be hard to connect at the same time…. We are in Southern California. Lancaster to be precise.

I am loving getting to know you better, and I saw your kind comment at facebook about being known and loved for who I am, and I returned the sentiment to you! Peace!

I'm curious: do you think it was too strong? Was the couple uncomfortable? (Is uncomfortable always a bad thing?) Do you wish you'd done things differently? What was it like for you to connect with them?

I *love* exchanging ideas. I think some people don't like that much, either.

"I think I suffer from a case of, this is already being done by some, I want something new, something more. I feel like I should just go with the flow and go wherever I see the Holy Spirit moving, but yet I have this need, this drive, to change the world. To break new ground."

Oh, this I get! I have had a similar feeling. I don't want to go work in somebody's soup kitchen. I want to shake things up, bring about a radical shift in consciousness, even if only a tiny bit at a time, and even if most of the work is done on my own consciousness. Hence the Radical Love Project.

It would be so fun to get to talk in person. Maybe at a conference one of these days…

Angela

But then, with that ability comes the difficulty of figuring out what direction to go in, and what direction to turn away from. Because when I chose one thing, there's always something else I'm giving up.

When I feel jumbled about what I'm doing, wanting and not-wanting at the same time, I don't usually find answers until I sit down and quiet my mind, breathe, and listen for God's answers.

Some folks say that if you have felt a calling and then find yourself not wanting to do the work, you should just push on. For me, though, those feelings of not wanting are usually a clue that I need to do more listening. When I surrender and let God lead, I feel peace and a sense of rightness, even in the face of difficulty.

Does that fit with your experience?

Perhaps your reluctance to go to the park stems from knowing that involving yourself with the people there will be unlike praying for strangers or donating money to programs that make changes in Africa.

The changes that I want to open myself up to, in my visits "outside", are changes that come from authentic personal connection. It was not easy for me to start doing this! I was afraid that "these people" would be unpleasant to be around. It turned out that my preconceptions as to what counts as pleasant aren't very important. My fears were ultimately about protecting myself from being affected by learning who these folk are, what their lives are like, what they know as joys and what they bear as sorrows.

My guess is that you "can't get into this" because you have similar misgivings, and I'm guessing that as you let Jesus' way guide you into unguarded relationships (a.k.a. love) you'll find that God's work here is not limited to your-helping-the-needy. His love is sent to change you, and me, just as much.

Theresa Seeber said:
Thank you for that insight! As we were driving today I pointed my children to look out the front window, where the road was blocked off by police, ambulance, and fire vehicles. We prayed for the people involved in whatever was going on out there, and I realized again that not all systems are bad, and thanked God for the systems that cause all of those people to be out there helping the people in need outside my window. I do however worry when the body of Christ is a system, whether corrupted or not, because it seems to suck some of the true life out of it. Just some things on my mind lately. Also, I loved your last comment the most: "Just like to criticize or respond to a blog post or article is to care about the conversation (and the blogger). " That just shows me the kindness of God. I'll take that anytime I can get it!